Opportunity in Rejection

How rejection can serve us

I got rejected. Again.

I've realised I'm quite bad at dealing with this negative emotion.

It might be because I had to learn to manage it much later in life.

One of the reasons I haven't been rejected often in the past was simply because I wasn't reaching high enough. I kept myself locked in my little safe cocoon in my twenties. Just accepting opportunities that came knocking at my door.

As I got out of my comfort zone later on, I started to face more rejections, but I didn't know how to process them. This time, I took that rejection as an opportunity to retrospect. And to find some healthy ways of getting through it.

I've also noticed that personal rejection hurts much more than if someone dismisses me on a professional level. Perhaps, it's because I can accept my shortcomings in a professional area, but if I'm not turned down as a person, it challenges my whole being.

My usual reaction after rejection would be

• Denying my feelings. It didn't mean much to me anyways. I didn't really want it.

• Blaming others. It's their miss. They don't know what they're losing.

• Blaming myself. I'm not worthy. I always make the same mistake.

• Self-pity. It always happens only to me. Everyone else gets what they want.

• Going down the rabbit hole of negative rumination. I will never make it. I will never progress.

No one, even the most even-keeled individual, is free of this emotion. No matter how balanced we feel, acting on rejection productively can be difficult when our head is burning.

In that instant, our ego is severely damaged. Moreover, if our confidence is not solidly developed, non-acceptance can hit even harder. We feel excluded. Like we don't belong. We have no worth.

How to cope effectively?

As I have recently finished my Vipassana training, I have learned a technique that helps to deal with unpleasant experiences. The simple formula is just being aware and accepting whatever you feel without judgment.

Acceptance of negative emotions is the first step to healing also based on modern psychotherapeutic practice. One of the founders of the humanistic psychology movement Carl Rogers encapsulated this when he wrote,

The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.

Here Rogers highlights the power of acceptance as a necessary foundation for personal growth - it is difficult to enact positive growth from a place of self-rejection. (Acceptance: Definition, Theory, & Tips​)

So, I've decided to give it a try.

1. I began with acceptance.

I cried. I acknowledged that I didn't get what I wanted and it hurt.

2. I stayed with my negative feelings for a while.

I was simply mindful of what I was experiencing. I tried to look at it from a third-person perspective, without judgment.

3. I practised some healthy self-care.

Instead of alcohol, overeating or binge-watching, I went for a run. It was surprisingly exhilarating.

4. I revisited the situation with a calmer mind to learn from it.

I made a deliberate effort to analyse it in a healthy manner, and I've understood that:

• It's not always about me. It's also about the other person, about the situation, and about time. If I did all I could, it just wasn't meant to be.

• I accepted there are plenty of things that are out of my control. I can't change other person's behaviour or company requirements. And that's okay.

5. I took the rejection as a chance to build my resiliency.

I decided to use my experience to learn and get better. And to turn the pain into strength and growth.

After all this process, I was ready to start over again.

I realised that there is no other way to survive than just putting yourself out there and keeping on trying.

There is no other way. You have to go on. Life goes on.

At the end of the day, rejection serves as proof that we're living life to the fullest.

We have to be ready to get rejected sometimes, and not be afraid to go for it anyway. Even when we suspect it won't work out.

Wishing you a lot of strength and wisdom when dealing with your next rejection…

___

Adela <3

This article originally appeared on adelastrakova.com

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Pictures:

1. Photo by Igor Frimmel