When it is only you who stands in your way

Sometimes, we are our own worst enemies, critics and saboteurs.

I’ve always had a strong aversion to psychiatric medications. This bias stems from an early encounter with their effects.

My first boyfriend battled schizophrenia. Alongside the devastating impact of the disease itself, I saw the toll that psychiatric medications took on him — transforming him before my eyes.

At that time, I was just a teenager. To deal with the extreme sadness and rage, I found it easier to blame everything on the medications rather than to confront the harsh realities of his condition. I didn’t know how.

As I matured, I came to recognise the rightful place psychiatric medications hold in our healthcare system. In countless instances, they are life-saving.

Though I grew tolerant of others relying on drugs, I never updated this strong belief for myself.

Others can, but I can't.

When I faced panic attacks for the first time and was prescribed Xanax (alprazolam tranquillizer), I resisted. Convinced that I could manage without it, I went full-on using other methods available: therapy, breathing exercises, meditation, yoga, dancing — anything but Xanax.

And it worked.

My self-assurance only solidified.

Yet, recently, I was battling with unexplainable medical issues that eventually led to an alprazolam prescription once again. Sitting in the doctor's office, tears streaming down my face, I felt defeated.

The GP reassured me that it was okay. He is taking it as well.

Little did he know that I felt like I just lost a lifetime battle.

A battle against whom and for what?

When one of our core beliefs is attached to our personality, our ego, and what we stand for, it is very scary to let that go.

But the reality was clear: my body was sending distress signals that my tried-and-true coping mechanisms couldn't alleviate.

Reluctantly, I swallowed the pill. 

Granting my exhausted body and mind some relief, at last. So I can function again and prevent the worsening of symptoms.

Sometimes, we are our own worst enemies. Sometimes, we are clinging to concepts about ourselves that are not beneficial anymore. That can lead to burnout and suffering.

My circumstances have changed, and so have my body, and my mind needed an update.

This isn't a testament to the supremacy of medication, but rather a call to revisit our core beliefs and embrace the possibility of change. 

Sometimes we must ask ourselves the tough questions:

• What belief do we struggle to let go of? Are they serving us or harming us?

• And what would happen if we do?

• What resistance are we holding onto, and at what cost?

• What if we dared to challenge our perceptions of ourselves?

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your destiny.”

Albert Ellis, American psychotherapist and founder of rational emotive behaviour therapy (REBT)

If something is not working for you, perhaps it's time for an update.

Sometimes, the most profound transformations occur when we relinquish our grip on outdated beliefs and allow ourselves to evolve.

May you have a gentle, yet transformative journey into your core beliefs.

___

Adela <3

Disclaimer: This narrative is not a substitute for medical advice and it is by no means an endorsement of medication use. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making decisions about medication use.