Hello friend,
This summer, I returned to a place where I first met my deepest fears.
And, I was surprised by how much I’d grown in the last few years.
But I also noticed something else: when one fear fades, another one often takes its place.
So instead of avoiding fear, I’m learning to climb through it.
Maybe you’d like to try it too.
A Story: Welcoming the fear
Four years ago, I had my first panic attacks while living near Mount Etna. (I write about it here).
This summer, I came back. The plan was to hike up to the rim. Out loud, I said, “Sure, exciting.” But inside, a part of me was scared. Would I be able to handle what my body might still remember?
On the day of the hike, as we were getting closer, I started to feel dizzy. My hands were sweating. Many years passed, but the fear was back.
But this time, I didn’t push it away.
I closed my eyes, took a controlled breath and noticed the part of me that was afraid, sitting heavy in my chest. I spoke to her gently, like an adult to a child: “I’m here. You’re safe. We don’t need to pretend this time. We already know how to handle this.”
As I listened, the tension slowly eased. Step by step, fear began to mix with excitement.
And suddenly, I could be fully present. I heard the guide’s stories. I looked around, and the views opened something in me, as if the past was no longer so heavy.
The fear didn’t disappear - it shifted when I welcomed it.
A Thought: The moment when fear softens
Fear shows up most in times of transition - new jobs, new places, endings, beginnings. It makes us want to control life, to keep it predictable. But that also makes our world smaller.
Avoiding fear feels good for a moment. But in the long run, it keeps us stuck.
Acting from fear pushes us away from who we really are.
The good news is that fear shifts when we stop resisting.
Research supports this. Exposure therapy, one of the most studied methods for treating fear and anxiety, shows that gradually facing the things we fear helps us move beyond them. The more we avoid, the stronger the fear becomes. But when we meet it, even little by little, it loses its grip.
That’s why building a new relationship with fear matters. Not fighting it, but welcoming it as a part of us that’s trying to help, even if in sometimes clumsy ways.
A Practice: Befriend your fear
Here’s a gentle IFS-inspired exercise to help you face fear. The goal isn’t to get rid of it, but to change how you relate to it.
Take a time when you feel safe. Go slowly and be kind to yourself.1
Recognise the fear
Notice when you feel fear. Maybe it’s in your body (chest tight, stomach heavy), or in your head (racing thoughts, worst-case scenarios).Pause and identify the part that is afraid
Acknowledge that within you there is a part that’s scared. Name it (e.g. “the Worried One,” “the Little Child,” “the Protector”).Notice you are not that part
This is key: you are not only this part that is afraid. There is also your calm, grounded and compassionate self that can listen and hold space for the one who’s afraid.Welcome the part
Invite this scared part in. Let it speak (in your mind or aloud). Ask it gently what it needs: safety? kindness? acknowledgement?Feel the fear (safely and gradually)
Stay with the feeling as long as it feels safe. Notice its energy, shape, or presence. If it becomes overwhelming, step back. Safety comes first. (You can also use this emotional inquiry recording.)Notice what shifts
When you welcome the fear instead of fighting it, what happens? Does your body soften? Do your thoughts slow down? Even small shifts matter.Thank the part
Even the part that scares you often has a protective intention. Thank it for its care, and let it know you’ve got its back now.
May you meet fear with courage, compassion and curiosity. And may it gently guide you back to the life that feels most true to you.
With warmth,
⚠️ A gentle note: I'm a therapeutic coach, but probably not your coach. This practice is for reflection and self-awareness. It is not medical or therapeutic advice.
If you notice that fear feels overwhelming, please reach out to a trusted therapist, coach, or supportive professional. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, please contact a local crisis line or emergency services.
If I am your coach and this content brings something up for you, let’s hold space for it and process it together in our next session. If you’re interested in coaching or want additional support, feel free to send me a message to learn more.