Managing Your Mental-Wellbeing (not only) as a Product Manager
How well we feel goes hand in hand with how well we perform.
This article is based on my talk on the Productbeats Show delivered on Oct. 31, 2023, titled: Managing your mental health - the most important show of the year1. Although originally designed for product managers, the framework can be useful across professions.
Why talk about mental well-being, especially for product managers?
I started my career as a trilingual interpreter, and later spent years in embassies facilitating cultural exchanges between nations. But it was only after I shifted to the tech space as a co-founder and a product manager that my insecurities kicked in. Eventually leading to burnout and panic attacks.
The nature of the profession puts product managers under a special type of pressure. According to the recent report by ProductPlan,
92% of product managers experienced imposter syndrome2 at some point in their career, and
40% say they experience imposter syndrome frequently or all the time.
And imposter syndrome is not the sole mental distress PMs often encounter. We are the generalists among specialists. Our self-perception is constantly challenged as we tightly work with developers, designers, or marketing professionals who possess very specific expertise.
We can also feel very lonely, missing our tribe. Especially in small startups, we don't have a group of PMs that we can seek support from. Moreover, the highly ambiguous environment we are operating in, and no full control over outcomes that we strive to achieve can have a huge impact on maintaining our healthy confidence over time.
High expectations from the externals, high dependency and constant demands from others can fuel our sense of being overwhelmed and difficulties in setting boundaries. Constant context switching is adding fuel to the already challenging mix and can diminish our capacity to focus.
In the middle of a fast-paced environment, we can easily forget that
the level of our well-being is closely linked to our level of performance.
Based on MetLife report3, the productivity of employees that struggle with mental health drops by 26% and their engagement by 30%.
Over the years, I have seen countless times that I couldn't provide the best value to my team if I wasn't feeling mentally well. And I realised, that how I manage my mental well-being follows a structure. Maybe because I am a PM. ;)
Now, where to start?
Before we try to address any of our distresses, I suggest to - take a pause.
If we find ourselves in the middle of chaos, stress and overwhelm, it’s almost impossible to see through it. Hitting a pause button can enable us to look at our struggles from a third-person perspective.
Sometimes you might need just 2 minutes and a deep breath. Other times a 15-minute-long walk outside could give you the space you need. And, sometimes you might need to go to a secluded place for a couple of days, to regain clarity.
Over time I have learned that the sooner I hit the pause button, the shorter time I spend recovering and decluttering my mind. Now I have regular check-ins with myself to avoid going off balance for a prolonged period.
The Discovery-Delivery Loop
To remember that we might already know the framework to build a sustainable approach to managing our mental well-being, I have reused this familiar diagram:
What if we can similarly manage our mental health as we manage our product?
1. Look for Symptoms
It all starts with the recognition that our mental health needs attention. The earlier we catch ourselves that our mental well-being is deteriorating, the better. What are some of the common signs that we are not functioning at our optimum?
Cognitive symptoms (overthinking, difficulty finding solutions and accessing creativity, feeling stuck, memory lags)
Emotional symptoms (overwhelm, anxiety, inability to relax, sudden aggression)
Behavioural symptoms (restlessness, forgotten self-care, disconnecting from people, procrastination)
Physical symptoms (insomnia, recurring health issues, constant fatigue, tired but wired)
The symptoms are a sign we need more self-care if they manifest in a way that is not part of our usual operation.
2. Pin Down the Problem
Once we recognize the first signs of distress, we can start digging deeper into the problem. Journaling, or writing down the ‘user interview’ we have with ourselves might be a great way to find honest answers.
What is really behind our insomnia or procrastination? The 5 Why’s technique or What, How, When questions could be useful, for example:
When do I struggle/feel anxious/stressed out?
Who do I have difficulty communicating with?
What makes me feel xxx?
How do I react?
What thoughts are running in my head?
What do I believe about the situation?
And, how do I know it is true?
The key is to have an honest discussion with oneself. Can we recognize what are just our assumptions and what are the facts? (E.g., Is my tech lead not replying to my messages because he hates me, or, is it only my assumption…)
3. What Can I Change?
This is one of my favourite quotes that explains one of the core ideas that is useful not only for good mental health but for approach to life, in general:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
The Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr
A lot of our inner suffering comes from trying to address things that are out of our control, like ruminating about what wrong we have done in the past, or worrying about what the other person thinks or the goals and aspirations of our managers.
Once we recognize the problem behind our struggles, we can identify to which bucket it belongs:
After we know the nature of our problem, it will be easier for us to look for the right solution to address it.
For example, I might have recognized that I have difficulty delivering bad news. And the worry about how my key stakeholders react might create sleepless nights.
What is within my control?
How I communicate the bad news; how I show my empathy and understanding; how I address the issues going forward; and how I set the right expectations next time.
What is out of my control?
How my stakeholders react. They might get angry or frustrated. I can prepare, but I can't control it. I can learn to accept it and refocus on the actions I can take.
Now I can ask myself what exactly is creating my anxiety. My rumination about things I can't change, or not knowing how to approach the situation?
4. Experiment with Solutions
Once we understand the problem well we can start looking for possible solutions. What changes can we try to incorporate that could potentially solve the problem we have identified?
Our bodies and minds are deeply intertwined, so it might be helpful to look at both.
Our Body
First, I would get back to the basics and check how I'm managing self-care. Because that's usually the first thing that goes out of the window when we are under pressure.
Are you eating healthy? Having regular meals, not eating at your desk?
What is your sleep routine?
Are you moving regularly in any shape or form?
Do you have regular breaks during work?
Are you maintaining social connections?
Many times getting enough sleep, or a run can boost how we feel and in return provide us with the resources we need to deal with situations during tough days.
Our Mind
Then, I would look into areas of my self-development that might need an update.
Self-awareness
Building our self-awareness is a life-long journey, but the better we get at it the easier is to design solutions that work for us. Understanding our strengths can help us to use them to our advantage and build confidence. Knowing our values guides us while making tough decisions.
Over the years, the best tool that helped me to build my self-awareness is regular meditation and related mindfulness practices.
Routine
Only if I know myself well, I can design a daily routine that attends to my specific needs and prioritize things that truly matter to me (e.g., I can prioritize rigid focus time). Setting realistic goals and celebrating small wins gives us structure for retrospection and fuels back the confidence we might have lost when pursuing goals that weren't ours or were over-bloated.
Attitude
Finally, we might need to update our attitudes that are blocking us. The solutions to our distress may be buried even deeper, in our belief system. By nurturing curiosity about ourselves and the external environment, adopting a Growth Mindset4 and learning acceptance, we can challenge what once worked for us but doesn't benefit us anymore.
5. Measure the Outcome
As in product, only if we measure, we know whether our intervention worked.
Sometimes small steps and tiny changes can show us the direction towards long-lasting change, uncovering solutions to our most pressing problems.
Some of the ways of observing and measuring the change:
Keeping a log of your mood and general health (e.g., through an app)
Regular journaling
Observing the change in your environment/reactions of your manager, peers etc.
6. Collect Learnings and Repeat
As a PM you know the drill. Your first attempt might need some tweaks and it's okay to try something different if what you have experimented with didn't bring the expected results.
Learning is a lot more important than getting it right all the time. What you are attempting is to identify the problem correctly, break it into smaller chunks and find different ways of tackling it. Step by step.
7. Nurture Supportive Network
We all need to feel seen, heard and understood.
In fact, we need social connections for survival. Research shows that people with stronger social bonds have a 50% increased likelihood of survival than those who have fewer social connections.5
We can beat the feeling of loneliness by finding a supportive network of coworkers, as well as a community outside work where we can share our struggles.
A mentor or a coach can serve as a sounding board and help you identify specific steps towards building your competence, confidence, and capabilities and ultimately feeling more balanced in your position.
And finally, never hesitate to ask for support. Be it a therapist, a close friend, or a supportive colleague. We often underestimate how ready people around us are in extending a helping hand, or an ear to listen.
Wishing you a lot of successful experiments and improved mental strength!
___
Adela <3
The video recording of the show is available in the Productbeats show archive: https://productbeats.com/blog
Imposter syndrome (or phenomenon) is a psychological term referring to a behaviour pattern where people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.
Source: MetLife: https://www.metlife.com/workforce-insights/improving-employee-mental-health/
A concept proposed by psychologist Carol Dweck that posits our beliefs about intelligence, and the ability to change mindsets can have impacts on how we approach challenges, respond to criticism challenges and orient our goals. People with a fixed mindset—those who believe that abilities are fixed—are less likely to flourish than those with a growth mindset—those who believe that abilities can be developed.
Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: https://www.cdc.gov/emotional-wellbeing/social-connectedness/affect-health.htm#:~:text=People%20with%20stronger%20social%20bonds,Stroke.